Struggling With Depression

WARNING — SOME INFORMATION WRITTEN BELOW IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE WITH UNSTABLE MENTAL CONDITIONS.  See a mental health professional or call your local 911 if you have an emergency.  Also in the US: 

www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1-800-273-8255 (24/7) Press 1 for Veterans line. Disaster Distress Helpline. 1-800-985-5990; Text TalkWithUs to 66746

There is a vicious cycle, I get to feeling down because say, I forgot to take my morning medicines, then I sleep too much, and go after caffeine, chocolate, cheese, wheat (pasta specifically), liquor, etc… and destroy my happiness rather than fixing it.  All I really want to do is sleep, have cool dreams that I learn neat stuff from, wake up maybe write all that down, then go back to sleep for more.  The idea of making money while I sleep is my obsession.

I’m playing the waiting game on some of my money opportunities and am trying not to worry about them too much.  So I’m playing some games (some have groovy music without lyrics, which is cool).  My apologies go out to those of my friends that I may have accidentally sent a game request out to.  I have a list set up for such things, but the games don’t always care.

I’m getting out of the team that helps people become millionaires (seems pretty stupid, right?)  It’s a great team, but it is very social, and I am not.  Even though I know the lead guy of my team is testing marketing strategies, and giving us the best input he can in order for us to succeed, I don’t follow authority and that upsets me.  There are reasons I need a work from home with a fairly impersonal situation.

Another opportunity the team is utilizing I am still promoting, because it looks to become a game changer in the social media arena:  The iGrow Network is a social network that PAYS ITS USERS!  Free to sign up forever to both save and make commissions on the items you buy!  Partnered with thousands of huge retailers and set up for you to be able to find the best prices with a click.  It’s extremely neat.  I haven’t posted on there yet, I’m a slowpoke– one of the downfalls of depression.

So, I’ve got the “Family Road Trip” station playing on Pandora and it seems like I’m giving the thumbs down to a third of the songs for negativity reasons.  Seriously, no bad relationship songs are allowed.  I have a happy and beautiful marriage, and I only want positive relationship songs going into my noggin.  My husband, however listens to many gruesome songs.  I asked him not to play 2 songs around me that specifically reminded me of suicide.

Singing helps.  I find it hard to break through the depression enough to sing, but it seriously helps.  Exercise doesn’t happen unless my husband’s with me.  I’ve got some pretty bad anxiety.  I despise going walking around by myself, even with a weapon or two available.  Yep, I have two weapons (not counting my martial artist husband).  We used to have a particular park we could walk.  Two times around would fix me, and three times around would fix him.

Ugh… have I said enough yet, can I crawl back in bed now?

Our cat has turned himself around on the paper bag he is laying on, while continuing to have the pink fabric belt I laid across him in place, so I guess that’s cool.  And apparently “the lion sleeps tonight”.  Even though I may feel that the world is ending RIGHT NOW!!!! It isn’t.

Ah, one of my favorite songs… Kevin Spacey singing Beyond The Sea.  It gets stuck in my head when I am doing well.  It is always welcome here.

 

— Alice