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Experiences With Network Marketing

For those considering joining or creating a network marketing business, I am sharing my experiences, so that you can make choices that fit you best.

The line between network marketing and being an associate/affiliate for these companies is blurry.  I am not interested in recruiting, although I marketed for that with the Mary Kay and Advocare situations.

I am speaking about companies that I am not a part of currently as of April 2nd, 2017.  I state here why I stopped working with them, or decided not to join them.

Do your research!  Read that danged agreement!

I joined Mary Kay because

1.) I was never taught how to properly care for my face and put on makeup, so I wanted to obtain some education

2.) The % per sale was high

3.) It is a well known brand that I figured would “sell itself” and would be stable.

I left Mary Kay because

1.) My marketing efforts failed

2.) I got badly burned by people lying about their intentions to purchase, just to get free samples.

3.) I decided to stop spending money for all the samples, marketing, and monthly expectations.

I joined Advocare because

1.) I was utilizing one of the products daily and would get a discount

2.) The percentage per sale was reasonable

3.) I already had a client before signing up to be a distributor.

I left Advocare because

1.) I would consistently get infections after utilizing the product I liked.

2.) Clients seemed “addicted” and it got weird when they would run out of something.  I didn’t like people needing my immediate attention because they needed something NOW.

3.) I went to one of their meetings and got creeped out somehow.  This was quite possibly some religious association, as I was sensitive to that sort of thing at that time.  If it felt anything like church, I bolted.  I bolted, and I never went to another one of those meetings.

4.) I left Advocare and Mary Kay at the same time.  I was marketing them both.  I did a big marketing push, and got ZERO responses, so I stopped them both.

I considered joining some superfood drink situation.

I didn’t join because

1.) the way I wanted to market it was not allowed.

2.) It was too acidic, it didn’t feel good to drink

3.) I was really tired of having to buy a certain amount each month.

I considered joining Wildtree.

1.) They create products that help one create healthier meals though a line of spice and oil options that are well sourced.

2.) I like their marketing strategy of freezer meal workshops.  I wanted to learn this.

I didn’t join Wildtree because

1.) it was difficult to figure out which items wouldn’t bother my food sensitivities and I was wanting to promote products like these to families with food sensitivities/allergies.

2.) Wildtree’s concept of cleaning the machinery off between an allergen product and an allergen-free product wasn’t enough for me.  I wanted to promote a more dedicated product manufacturing process.

I considered a healthy/wholesome cosmetic product line.

I didn’t join because they were very adamantly a Christian product line, and I don’t like promoting religion-based product lines.

I considered joining Jamberry.

1.) I like their concept for healthier nail wraps, and

2.) I like being able to customize your own style!

I didn’t join Jamberry because

1.) I don’t enjoy doing other people’s nails.  I’ve put Jamberry wraps on at least 3 people.  I could probably get more comfortable with it.

2.) I don’t like sharing my nail clippers and file and all that jazz…

3.) I am not a regular customer for Jamberry because some of the wraps are thicker than others, and would snag in my hair.  This happened too often, and I became frustrated and generally discontinued using them.

4.) My nails are becoming strong again, since I’ve stopped doing anything to them.

I considered joining NSpire.

1.) They produce a healthier feminine hygiene pad.

2.) I could use those.

I did not join NSpire because

1.) It didn’t fit my personal brand.  Leaders would say “lead with the vision”.  Sure, women who can do something about it, need to know that their hygiene products could be healthier, but I have a personal branding issue with the way this comes across.  I don’t like talking about scary stuff.  If one can barely afford pads already, this makes them consider even their most personal hygiene products as also hazardous to their health.  The mind is very strong, and I do not wish to plant a bad concept into the minds of my friends to make an almighty dollar.

2.) The leaders would then turn around and tell me to post the money making opportunity on my Facebook wall. “What if you could make an extra $…” and I was given the impression that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be successful.  There is no way I am posting that on my Facebook wall!!!!

3.) God was mentioned here and there, which I found a bit obnoxious.  Then the ladies weekly conference call turned my stomach.  She talked about various types of sin and “can I get an amen?”. Hey, I’m not trying to be at church.  I did well to get through that entire call, to gain what she was trying to inspire us with, but the strong religious focus seriously turned me off from that business opportunity.

****

I don’t care if the owner of a company happens to believe in whatever, but I will not promote products/services where a religion is being pressed upon myself and anyone I would invite into a business meeting.

BTW, something called Americans Serving Americans, also got posted recently. Although the concept was initially intriguing, the videos seem to be faked, and the primary focus is on God.  This is a call to join another church-like group which separates Americans from the rest of the world population, and of course buy the start-up kit.  I do not know how much of a scam it is, but it does not fit into my worldview or match my personal brand.  I’d have to create my own version.

Alice Norris

 

 

clip-art of broken heart

Broken Heart

The broken heart.  I have been there too many times to count.  I even created the foul situation once, if you can call it “once”.  I was leaving 3 guys I had fallen for, because the first one was the jealous type and all I could see down that road was irreparable damage.  Ugh, if he had only come after me and saved me from my stupid self… oh well.

Sometimes you can see that the person they have chosen is a better match for them than you are, that they will be happier with them.  I was oddly not jealous when my first love started dating another girl.  She was beautiful and sweet.  I was a bit skinny for his tastes, she seemed perfect.  She was exuberant and a bit of a rebel like he was.  They would knock on the windows of limos and such, things I would never do.  I loved him and was able to be happy he had found someone who matched him so well.  I was disappointed, but did not have a broken heart.

The mental image that helped me through most of my future heartbreaks was of getting out duct tape and putting it back together.  I didn’t have any friends to come over with ice cream and talk with or watch chick flicks with, so it was pretty rough.

I did some fantasizing, but never went so far as to have revenge sex or take it out on his car.  The fantasy starts: I’m crying and some genuinely sweet guy shows up to comfort me…

I was that vulnerable at a restaurant at one point, seeking a certain waiter that I shared a spark with.  He had caught me checking him out and I went bashful, then he started some rather serious flirting.  For some other reason, his boss got him all kinds of mad, so the fun ended.  When I went back, he no longer worked there, and no one knew where he was working or how to reach him.  I was despondent, having a dessert, and the current waiter found out my situation.  He got as close as he could while serving me without actually touching me, which was so very hot that he nearly got laid.  It made me wonder if they trained their waiters on how to be hot for more tips and a more memorable customer experience.  If parking there hadn’t been $10, I certainly would have gone there more often!  I’ve always had great luck getting over a broken heart by having attractive guys serving me hand and foot at churrascarias (Brazilian grills).

I also try to have a place where I can feel “mothered”.  There was a Thai restaurant, where I could go and be served by the sweetest waitress, who recognized me and knew that I always wanted “tea, hot tea”.  The food was so very good, and I felt so loved and safe there.

I also created a special MP3 playlist.  Yes, I still use an MP3 player from years and years ago.  I put songs on it that fit nearly any phase of a relationship.  These songs helped me through so many heartaches, I can’t even… even now, I use them to encourage me to do the dishes or if I’m mad at my husband.  Just hearing the apology in the song “Woman” eases my anger.

1.) The type of woman I choose to be for my man (“Right Down the Line”, Gerry Rafferty) “You’ve been as constant as the northern star, the brightest light that shines”

2.) The guy apologizing and appreciating me (“Woman”, John Lennon, Yoko Ono) “Woman I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all I’m forever in your debt
And woman I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success”  and really the entire song.

3.) Being okay with being addicted to my current guy (“The Zepher Song”, Red Hot Chili Peppers) “Coming down, no not today”

4.) What WILL be in my life (She Will Be loved, Maroon 5) –There’s no point chasing after someone who doesn’t love me.  If the current crush doesn’t love me, I’m determined to find someone who does. My smile might be broken right now, but I WILL be loved!

5.) Appreciative man, and the type of woman I choose to be (“Love of a Woman”, Travis Tritt) “Where would we be without the love of a woman
Standing behind her man even when he’s wrong
The true pure undying love of a woman
Makes a man a fool to think he can make it alone”

6.) How it should be In a good lasting relationship (“Still The One”, Orleans)

“You’re still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one”

I avoided putting songs on the MP3 player that were hostile toward men.

Well, those are some ideas for you, I hope they help.

Alice447

 

 

 

 

run over by a reindeer

Run over by a reindeer

I currently feel like I’ve been run over by something, a reindeer of sorts.

We went to many parties around Thanksgiving, and when Christmas came around, well, we just didn’t feel like being around anyone.

We spent that morning together in a nostalgic manner of getting to IHOP on Christmas Eve, and hanging out there until Christmas morning.  We ate, we enjoyed iced mochas.  We were having a fine time with our art supplies and conversation.  However, the same waitress who seated us “away from everyone else” as we had asked, who told us we could stay as long as we wanted, seated the only other couple who came in (one of the individuals was as obnoxious as possible) in the booth right next to us in an otherwise EMPTY restaurant!  I glared at her.  She didn’t seem to understand what she had done.  We left.

I enjoyed a bottle of spiked eggnog (or two).  My husband shifted from day shift to night shift.  Trying to stay up with him on his nights off, yet trying to get things done during the day, has me sleeping both day and night, totally upending my sense of schedule.  I have been forgetting some of my medications, while simultaneously having hormonal disruption.

The best time for me to sleep to have the fewest interruptions, is right now, when I’m wide awake.  Taking drugs to sleep at night, only has me sleeping both day and night, and that isn’t getting the dishes done, the paperwork done, or the doctor visits attended.  Visiting with friends?  Bah!  I can’t plan ANY [expletive deleted] THING!  I’m so frustrated!

I am completely discombobulated.  I rarely know what day or time it is.  I’m overfeeding my fish, because I can’t remember if I fed them or not, so I err on the side of having a snail issue in my tank rather than them go hungry.

Although I have no children, the song goes

“She’d been drinkin’ too much egg-nog,
And we’d begged her not to go,
But she’d forgot her medication
And she staggered out the door into the snow…

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve,
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grampa, we believe”.

I feel like I am currently being trampled under foot and I have no idea how to get out of this vicious spin cycle.  I was hoping writing it out would clarify things, but it hasn’t.  My husband is about to go on a weird 2-2-3 schedule (2 on, 2 off, 3 on 2 off, 2 on, 3 off), and I am so very, very lost.  Seriously.  My mind couldn’t adjust to his last 2 weird schedules, and this one is so much worse.  It has me speechless, stupefied.

Alice

 

 

 

 

 

 

depressed flowers

depressed Nov1-2015

Feeling (what’s a good word for it?) morose.

Yesterday I ate some candy and cookies.  Really trying not to beat myself up over allowing such things on Halloween.  Realized there was no party to go to, well, not until November the 14th.  Yes, I have been invited to a full-scale, wear costumes Halloween party in the future.  I have enough time to make that gross kitty-litter cake I’ve always wanted to try!

I dropped everything to look up the recipe and write down the ingredients and learn how to make it.

It had mixed reviews.  Many people made changes to the original recipe which confused and overwhelmed me.  I decided on using peanut butter cookies, adding some frosting, using Little Debbie (R) brownies instead of Tootsie Rolls (R) and mixing it together before the pudding had fully set. I also thought, maybe I’ll just grab a brain jelly mold and create a creamy pink gel. I love jello, it would be super easy, and cheap!  However, for some reason I felt dis-heartened about the decision.  I really want to do the cake.

Went next door to a beauty supply place, and although I would like to wear makeup, all the knowledge of the bad stuff in makeup has me not wanting to buy any of the regular stuff.  The good stuff is expensive, though, so I wind up not wearing any unless I have a planned date with my husband or something.  I couldn’t justify buying anything, so I went back to the toy store.

I was stuck there at the toy store, so the jello mold sat there in my view as I pondered whether to get yet another thing that would take up space in our already cluttered apartment, that is IF I even get to go to the party, and having to go without my husband (what a bummer).

Sure, even spending $6 on a jello mold seems outlandish given our current economic status, if my paycheck had gone through, maybe I’d feel better about buying it, but maybe not–our bills are getting the better of us.  The kitty litter cake would be more expensive to make, did I want to go through that much trouble and wind up not being able to go?  The container would also be a thing that would take up space, unless in either of these cases I just turned around and donated them.  Did I really want to bring something to the party that wasn’t healthy?!?  It was about this time when my husband came over and asked me what was wrong.  I had so many wrong things in my head at the time, that I said, “I can’t quite say.”

He allowed that, and I went back to thinking.  “I still have some time to wait to hopefully get paid, then I can go back to the concept of buying specialized items or obtaining healthy recipes for a Halloween party”.

So I dropped the issue.

I was irritated (although I didn’t bother to dress up, because the date totally escaped my mind) that I had nowhere to go on Halloween.  I was also aware that my husband had been awake for an extreme amount of time, so he was going to fall asleep, and be unable to go to anything I might come up with.

I decided to watch Twilight Zone, but I couldn’t find it playing, so I started watching a Stephen King movie and enjoying some rum.  However, when my husband decided to go to bed, I could no longer endure the scary movie.  I proceeded to play a Match 3 game until I could get horror out of my mind, and went to bed.

I slept heavily.  I had to get up to watch the cat eat at one point, and fell asleep on the floor.  My husband woke me just enough to tell me he was hungry.  This to me means “get up and cook something for me”, which upset me quite a bit, but then he was telling me to get up and go to bed, which was a relief.  I should have taken my morning medicines at that time, but did not.

I went back to sleep and had a rather “fun” dream, where I met a hot guy I played with a bit.  I awoke in a playful mood, and approached my husband with a playful “Hi” and “How are you?” But he is a rather honest character, who was irritated.  He did not seem to sense his opportunity.  He said he was very upset about the state the kitchen was in (pregnant pause here) but “otherwise fine.”  Normally this would bounce off of me, but not today.

Today it painfully points out to me that I am unable to keep up with the tasks of the household.  Maybe I should have stayed home instead of going with him to the toy store the day before, but he LOVES it when I go.  Feeling down-trodden, and never good enough, I went quiet and just hung out there near the cat food even after the cat had walked away.  I was merely awaiting the ability to enter the kitchen and make myself some oatmeal.  He asks what is wrong, and I shake it off, and say I’m just tired.  Why did I not be more open with him?  It is because in his upbringing sad girls were being manipulative and mean, they faked tears to get him in trouble.  When he asks “What is wrong?”, he does so with an angry scowl on his face.  In my upbringing, an angry scowl means shut up and go hide somewhere.  I’m hurt because of my disability, it’s nothing new.

My mind goes to bad places and I cry silently as I simultaneously make oatmeal for myself and rinse some dishes.  I eat oatmeal and drink coffee as I begin this blog.

He wants to go for a walk.  I get dressed, and then continue blogging.  He never gets ready and eventually decides to lie down. I go in there with him thinking a good cuddle will help me pull myself together.  Getting the laundry done is brought up and I end up silently crying, hiding my face from him.  He is in a negative mental place as well, and complains about something wrong going on with him.  I can’t take any more negativity and go to the other room.

I lie down on the couch and hope for a pleasant dream, to wake up happier, but never sleep. I am up again to finish this blog, still feeling terrible.  Going back to the kitchen to rinse some more dishes, not laundry, because I don’t know when he might awaken and be ready to go on that walk.

depressed,

Alice

I have come so far

Well, the weekend was a complete success.  I went to a huge festival, and only went to the parts I wanted.  This kept my husband and I on speaking terms.  I’m so used to being stuck there as my pain increases and I get more and more irritable.

I was much better psychologically and physically than I was last year!  I fully participated in three workshops.  I was someone’s confidant, and am comfortable with the advice I gave.  I’m not beating myself up over anything I decided to do or say.  I have come so far!

My husband and I decided to take the hit of a late fee on our rent so that we could go to this year’s festival with money.  My husband did not get the message that he is now getting paid on Fridays instead of Wednesdays.  His mom had a heart attack (after major surgery, she’s okay now) on the week when the change had been posted on the bulletin board, while he wasn’t at work.  Meanwhile, his email service glitched and erased all of his emails, including the one telling him of the change.  So instead of being two days late, we will be four days late on rent.  I currently have no idea how much this is going to cost us in late fees.

His schedule at work changed and we are having difficulty adjusting.  We moved up here for our friendship base, a friendship base that he will not get to see because of this change.

I have made friends here too now.  I have been horrid at actually making meetings with them happen.  I must change that.  Make that “I am changing that.”  (Tweaking brain, figuring out how to actually make this happen.)  My life currently revolves around my husband, cat, computer, and the ever-present pile of dishes.  Make that “My life has a healthy balance of time for others and time for myself.”

I’m learning how to be nice to myself.  One of the workshops I went to was on how to make bath bombs (they fizz the bathwater).  I gave the instructor money to grab a bunch of her old stock.  That was several days ago now, and I have yet to treat myself to a fizzy bath.  {stops to choose a bath salt or fizzy and put up hair}  Kitty’s Jasmine Dreams Bath Salts it is! (no, I’m not making a commission for giving out that info).

I need to refresh the aquarium water before I get myself all good-smelling.  {stops to put water jugs in front of the sink, confusing the hell out of the fish by turning on the light at 1:30 a.m.}  There, 4 gallons of prepped water set by the aquarium.  I’ll get to the rest of it after I publish this blog page.

I had set up a friend-cosmetologist to do my hair, but she is going through her own personal hell, and has been for several weeks now.  Therefore I plan to (again) foil, bleach, and dye my own hair.  See!?  At one point I could barely butter my own piece of bread, and that was with someone holding me up at the counter!  I have come so far!  It takes lots of courage on my part to commit to a project this big, my arms may be fairly useless the day after.  I don’t like counting on others, just to go weeks waiting.  Her hell started the day of our appointment.  I am sad for her, but now anxious (not the right word!!  “Anxious” means being afraid. I’m picking another word) “impatient” now about getting my hair done.  I don’t especially want to plan for someone else to do it again.  Wrestling with myself about whether to try again to have someone do it for me, while I await getting the dye that I want to use after taking the hairstylist’s choices back to Sally Beauty.  Her choices take far more effort than the bleach and color of my choice.  The first person who comes to mind, who said they would do my hair for me, is super busy.

Doing this blog helps me get my mind in order.  Looking back, I’m fairly content with myself for my continued growth.

Alice

 

 

 

 

 

car insurance GEICO

GEICO(TM) will take us back again, we’re good drivers and great customers ya know.

Did a bit of research on other companies and got another quote from elsewhere, but GEICO is giving us the lowest price, more discounts, for more coverage, and has an accident forgiveness program.  When we had an accident years ago, our rates didn’t skyrocket, we didn’t get dropped, and the claims process went well.

We’re going back to GEICO, and no, I’m not getting paid to endorse them.

Alice

Car insurance

I know that if I am submerging myself in Match 3 games that something is wrong.  I may not know what that is for some time.  Today, as I’m glancing over email subjects, deciding which emails to click on, I saw my insurance company had a survey they wanted me to take.  “Alice, tell us what you ‘really’ think”.

Wow, you know what? The insurance on our cars IS bothering me.  I left a great company I loved for a half-price but well known branded company.  However this known name, has a bad reputation for spiking premiums or dropping people for having accidents.  I asked if there was an accident forgiveness model I could sign up for, but they didn’t have one.  Uncomfortable, but really broke, I signed up anyway.  I am now uncomfortable about the thought of having an accident with our current car insurance.  That was the under-the-radar uneasiness that I couldn’t figure out.  Our new insurance cards haven’t even arrived in the mail yet.  So, I guess it didn’t take me THAT long to figure out.

I have to go car insurance shopping again, or go back to the previous company and see if they can give me a better deal than I had before.  I feel like I am going to be sick because we can’t afford to actually switch yet.  Ugh.  I know who I’m going to check with first, so that’s a start.

Alice

 

Hibernation and chores

As you may know I have a facebook page called Reframing My Childhood.  I am more likely to update that with little snippets in a more timely manner.  This blog is more for my long, drawn out mental meanderings.  I will then post to the Facebook page that I have updated here.  On my personal Facebook page, it will remind me how long it’s been since I last updated, I last updated 10 days ago, so I figured it’s time for me to take a look at what’s been happening over the past 10 or more days.

I am currently in what I call “hibernation mode”.  Very quickly into this paycheck, after paying all our bills we have very little left to use for food etc.  This causes a psychological reaction in me where I figure if I am asleep, I won’t be tempted in any way to spend money.  Knowing this about myself is very helpful in handling it.  I at least understand my propensity to eat whatever is available (aka going off diet) and sleeping most of the day.

I was thinking this morning (5:30 a.m.) of how I would normally handle mornings.  I’m cold, and therefore put on a sweatshirt, and I stay up by getting involved in Facebook or my chores for the day.  Oh, I hate doing chores, so they usually get left until 7 p.m. or so when it’s more of a feeling of “what do I have to do before I can go to sleep?” situation.

That struggle with chores is another part of my psyche that I want to change.  Stemming from the feelings of having to do housework simply because I’m female, but also from bad childhood experiences of my dad making me pick up every tiny bit of paper from my bedroom floor even though we had a vacuum (a word I NEVER spell correctly).  Even when my mom was the only breadwinner, she was still expected to do all the cooking and housework.  I don’t have memories of my mom cleaning when we were in a house.  Housework just wasn’t done while we lived in the shack.  It wasn’t sticky, it was just cluttered and the wood floor was always dirty or muddy.

My dad was cruel toward my mom if his food wasn’t to his liking.  When we were poor, and having spaghetti again, he threw it against the wall cruel.  I hurdle great mental obstacles when cooking for my husband on a daily basis, although he is encouraging and appreciative even when I fail miserably at making pancakes or something.

I know we both want to eat in a healthier manner, but the thought of 1.) Creatively deciding on a meal to make that won’t kill our budget or make either of us sick stumps me ALL-THE-TIME!   2.) Actually preparing the thing (I have fibromyalgia, so it’s painful to do so)   and 3.) Having to rinse off all the dishes afterward (at least we currently have a dishwasher).  So we have lots of frozen pizza.

When I was single and barely scraping by, I was having a discussion with some older ladies about having company over.  They would always use real dishes, while I would use plastic.  I asked them about the mountain of dishes afterward and they said “just have your girl do it”.  I am my own “girl”.  What a different concept that was to me, but it certainly didn’t help how I felt about chores.  I started calling them “errands” but then my husband thought I would be driving around.  House”work”… what else can I call it, to make it more palatable for me to do?

My husband and I have lived in our current apartment for around 2 years.  I’ve mopped and vacuumed once or twice.  We really need a maid, but someone we both know and trust, once we can afford such luxuries.  So I tend to put time in on the internet, searching for actual ways to make money.  Looking for a regular job won’t work for me.  I fall apart at a mere 15 hour/week job.  That’s when I applied for disability.  Please forgive me if I wrote about this before, I’ve got a memory like a steel sieve.

If I’m asleep, I’m not eating and not making a mess.  Hibernation mode also means I pour myself into match 3 games and such, avoiding thinking about the budget, eating, etc.  I finally get around to it, but then go back to erasing it from my mind with games.

Currently in hibernation mode, playing Monster Busters, Monster Busters: Hexa Blast, and Island Experiment (not a match 3 game).

-Alice

 

 

 

 

 

 

Struggling With Depression

WARNING — SOME INFORMATION WRITTEN BELOW IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THOSE WITH UNSTABLE MENTAL CONDITIONS.  See a mental health professional or call your local 911 if you have an emergency.  Also in the US: 

www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1-800-273-8255 (24/7) Press 1 for Veterans line. Disaster Distress Helpline. 1-800-985-5990; Text TalkWithUs to 66746

There is a vicious cycle, I get to feeling down because say, I forgot to take my morning medicines, then I sleep too much, and go after caffeine, chocolate, cheese, wheat (pasta specifically), liquor, etc… and destroy my happiness rather than fixing it.  All I really want to do is sleep, have cool dreams that I learn neat stuff from, wake up maybe write all that down, then go back to sleep for more.  The idea of making money while I sleep is my obsession.

I’m playing the waiting game on some of my money opportunities and am trying not to worry about them too much.  So I’m playing some games (some have groovy music without lyrics, which is cool).  My apologies go out to those of my friends that I may have accidentally sent a game request out to.  I have a list set up for such things, but the games don’t always care.

I’m getting out of the team that helps people become millionaires (seems pretty stupid, right?)  It’s a great team, but it is very social, and I am not.  Even though I know the lead guy of my team is testing marketing strategies, and giving us the best input he can in order for us to succeed, I don’t follow authority and that upsets me.  There are reasons I need a work from home with a fairly impersonal situation.

Another opportunity the team is utilizing I am still promoting, because it looks to become a game changer in the social media arena:  The iGrow Network is a social network that PAYS ITS USERS!  Free to sign up forever to both save and make commissions on the items you buy!  Partnered with thousands of huge retailers and set up for you to be able to find the best prices with a click.  It’s extremely neat.  I haven’t posted on there yet, I’m a slowpoke– one of the downfalls of depression.

So, I’ve got the “Family Road Trip” station playing on Pandora and it seems like I’m giving the thumbs down to a third of the songs for negativity reasons.  Seriously, no bad relationship songs are allowed.  I have a happy and beautiful marriage, and I only want positive relationship songs going into my noggin.  My husband, however listens to many gruesome songs.  I asked him not to play 2 songs around me that specifically reminded me of suicide.

Singing helps.  I find it hard to break through the depression enough to sing, but it seriously helps.  Exercise doesn’t happen unless my husband’s with me.  I’ve got some pretty bad anxiety.  I despise going walking around by myself, even with a weapon or two available.  Yep, I have two weapons (not counting my martial artist husband).  We used to have a particular park we could walk.  Two times around would fix me, and three times around would fix him.

Ugh… have I said enough yet, can I crawl back in bed now?

Our cat has turned himself around on the paper bag he is laying on, while continuing to have the pink fabric belt I laid across him in place, so I guess that’s cool.  And apparently “the lion sleeps tonight”.  Even though I may feel that the world is ending RIGHT NOW!!!! It isn’t.

Ah, one of my favorite songs… Kevin Spacey singing Beyond The Sea.  It gets stuck in my head when I am doing well.  It is always welcome here.

 

— Alice

 

 

 

 

 

 

Religious Trauma Syndrome

Yes, it’s officially been coined, Religious Trauma Syndrome or RTS.

This explains so much of my mindscape.  The church taught me a bunch of hogwash about my worth and sexuality.  Along with my dad’s negativity, of course my mind went with the flow, and I started having depressive episodes.

Apparently, even my sense of impending doom may have stemmed from the stories about the coming apocalypse. I nearly always dream of a post-apocalyptic world.  I had a great zombie dream once.  Sorry, I only remember the end.  I remember a pretty horrific movie we (I and my church) watched about the rapture/apocalypse.  I thought it was called Left Behind, but I definitely saw it before 2000.

I officially left the church in December 1999.  The church I left was cult-like in belief and evangelism.  I felt a huge weight lifted from my back, as my actual beliefs had changed.  I tried going back to one of my old churches, but there was such a feeling of being torn apart by abusive thought processes, that I cried for the church-goers.  My concept of sin was completely different, so I didn’t even fit with the local Unitarian Universalist church.

RTS is like PTSD, which was something I was diagnosed as having.  RTS has only recently become named.

Here’s to your good mental health,

Alice